idol’s 2nd 12 – eliminations

The second twelve has got Norman Gentle, who is mildly humorous, but everyone else is deathly serious – and awful.

Every year the judges talk about song choice and how important it is.  Every year, people choose crappy songs.  I’m sensing a pattern.  Take, for example, the choice of one of the girls, to sing Maroon 5’s This Love.  (I don’t remember her name – but she’s not gonna be in the top 12, so no worries.)  This Love is a band song.  Unless you change the arrangement – a LOT – this is karaoke material at BEST.  I know this, and I don’t even always agree with the judges.

Wow.  Now we get to hear Brooke White again?  The mediocrity abounds.

Next 3 – Allison [Heart], Kris [MJ], Adam [Rolling Stones]

So.  Seeing as how they’re choosing the top 12, and taking the top 3 from 3 weeks of 12 gives you 9…I’m guessing the judges will have 3 wildcard picks.  Weird.  Since there are 4 judges now.  And I hate them all.  (Figuratively.  I don’t actually have strong feelings about anyone on the show.  But the judges irritate me.  So I fast forward – YAY DVR!)

But you what I’m gonna say, right?  I want one of them to bring back Jamar.  He could do Maroon 5.  I wanna hear him do Secret, or Sunday Morning.  But, yeah, Idol suckiness continues.  Whee!

*Survivor Note: Jalapao Rocks.  Cuz Taj is the bomb-diggity.  Yeah.  I said it.

Oscars ’09: what recession?

First things First: The Dresses

Anne Hathaway wearing Armani ~ totally works.  She actually kinda looked like an Oscar statue…at least from the

best dress of the evening

neck down.  Her hair was very – done – maybe a little too much – but still a beauty for the first nominee I see on the red carpet.

I love looking at the dresses for the Academy Awards.  There usually seem to be more hits than misses – unlike some others awards…

Penelope Cruz chose a fabulous vintage Pierre Balmain.  She saw the dress 8 years ago, and went back to the shop and found the *same* dress.  Serendipity.

Marisa Tomei is wearing a Versace that just arrived this morning.  The bodice is a bit plain, but grows into an elaborate array of pleats that spin outward into a train.  The color is muted, so the overall effect is not as stunning as it might be on someone with a bit more of a tan.

The Show

Hugh Jackman is hosting.  Interesting.  The opening number is something.  “I am Wolverine.” Indeed.

Cardboard props under a Swarovski crystal curtain.

Angelina’s got a beautiful black dress on, hopefully I won’t get to see any more of it.

But big congrats go out to Meryl Streep for her 15th nomination.  I’ve actually been hoping she wins this year, too.

Taraji P. Henson makes me want that Benjamin Button movie to win an award.  Her dress is awesome, and she looks lovely.  But I am totally not into that movie.

Eh.  Penelope Cruz wins Best Supporting Actress for Vicky Cristina Barcelona.  And for best dress.  Interesting way to present the award – 5 previous winners list the nominees and last year’s winner opens the envelope.

Tina Fey and Steve Martin made a quick quip on Scientology on the way to presenting the award for Best Original Screenplay.  Milk wins.  Dustin Lance Black is promising equal rights for gays.  Wow.  I didn’t know he could do that.

I am totally not into Tina Fey’s dress.  It almost looks like it’s made of foil.  I love the way she and Steve read the writing, though.  It’s awesome.

Best Adapted Screenplay goes to Simon Beaufoy for Slumdog Millionaire.  I really want to see this movie, but I live in Podunk.  So.  No access.

I wish I could zoom in on my tv screen.  I’d love to zoom in on Jennifer Aniston’s hair.

Seriously?  Horton Hears a Who was last year?  Wow.  It seems so much longer ago.  I really want Wall-E to win.  Woo!!!!  Yay!  Wall-E wins for Best Animation Feature Film.  Ok.  I’m happy.

Best Animated Short Film: La Maison en Petits Cubes by Kunio Kato.  Poor guy doesn’t know much English, so he bows out with a bit of Mr. Roboto.

SJP’s got a great dress, but it looks like her dress might not come up enough.  To the top.

• Best Art Direction: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.  I honestly don’t care about this.  Yay for DVR!
• Best Costume Design: The Duchess.  [and again, I press fast forward.]
• Best Makeup: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Good for them.

Here’s some young’uns.  Robert Pattinson and Amanda Seyfried present a romantic movie montage.  Wow.  I think the one tiny clip from Meet the Browns kind of spotlighted how few faces of color were present in the montage.  The only other ones were from Slumdog Millionaire and they played several clips from that [because of all the nominations.

Best Cinematography: presented by Natalie Portman and Ben Stiller.   Natalie’s dress is *very* pink.  Ben Stiller then pulls a McCain and starts wandering aimlessly around the stage.  Slumdog Millionaire wins.

Jessica Biel has got a funky dress by Prada.  _

James Franco and shoot – what’s his name? oh yeah – Seth Rogan present Best Live Action Short after the comedy montage.  I wanted New Boy to win, but it ends up to be Spielzeugland (Toyland) that wins.

Now Hugh, Beyonce, and…Zac and Vanessa…and Amanda Seyfried…do a Baz Luhrmann musical tribute to: musicals.  The musical is back y’all – and I’m loving it.  LOVING it!

Five previous winners for Best Supporting Actor present for this year’s winner.  And Alan Arkin gets screwed by a teleprompter that lists PSM’s name as Seymour Philip Hoffman.  I’m still reeling at Robert Downey, Jr.’s nomination for work in blackface.  Slyly described by Cuba Gooding, Jr.  As predicted, Heath Ledger wins for the creepiest Joker ever.  Totally deserved.  His family accepts.

A documentary montage leads in to Bill Maher presenting Best Documentary Feature for Man on Wire.  For which one of the recipients balances the Oscar on his chin.  Best Documentary Short Film goes to Smile Pinki by Megan Mylan.

The action montage – cars, cars, and more cars.  And fire.

Will Smith presents Best Visual Effects to The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.  Blah.  All for turning Brad Pitt into a “garden gnome”.  Best Sound Editing to The Dark Knight.  I actually thought that one might’ve should’ve gone to Wall-E.  Best Sound Mixing to Slumdog Millionaire. Best Film Editing to Slumdog Millionaire.  [I really want to see this movie.  Hope it comes to my town now that it’s won so much.]

Huh.  So, Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are still/back together.  Huh.

does she look like herself to you?

Ok, back to the awards.  Eddie Murphy presents the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award to Jerry Lewis.  The telethon has raised over 2 billion dollars over the last 43 years.  Wow.  Jerry’s speech seems to be on the teleprompter.  Interesting.  Still, nice – to the point, a bit humorous, well done.

Nominated scores are played by the Oscar orchestra, and quite beautiful.

Alicia Keys does not look like herself to me.  Her hair is a different color or something.  But she and Zac Efron present Best Original Score to Slumdog Millionaire.  Best Original Song nominees perform: 2 songs from Slumdog, one from Wall-E.  O Saya was by MIA but she just had a baby, so they’re letting her stay seated.  Down to Earth is performed by John Legend and an accompanying choir.  Nice to know John Legend speaks Prada.  That brown suit is sweet.  Then Slumdog comes back with Jai Ho. Then the songs all come together to be beautiful.  Awesome performances.  Jai Ho wins Best Original Song.

Liam Neeson and Frieda Pinto present Best Foreign Language Film to Japan for Departures.

Queen Latifah intros the goodbye tribute montage with I’ll Be Seeing You. I think there are only 3 awards left.  Oops – nope.

Reese Witherspoon presents for Best Director wearing a black and blue creation that I can’t make up my mind about.  I think I’d love it if there weren’t these odd black straps seeming to come out of nowhere.  They seem superfluous.  Danny Boyle receives best director for Slumdog.  Now, there’re only 3 left.

So far, Slumdog is the big winner, with 6 awards.  Ben Button is next with 3.

Best Actress is presented by 5 other winners – Shirley Maclaine to Anne Hathaway, Marianne Cotillard to Kate Winslet, Halle Berry to Melissa Leo, Sophia Loren to Meryl Streep, Nicole Kidman to Angelina Jolie.  Kate Winslet wins for The Reader.  She looks great in YSL and calls for her father to give a whistle so she knows where her family is in the audience.  He does, and she is steadied enough to make her speech.

Best Actor is presented by 5 previous winners – Michael Douglas to Frank Langella, Robert DeNiro to Sean Penn, Adrien Brody to Richard Jenkins, Anthony Hopkins to Brad Pitt, Sir Ben Kingsley to Mickey Rourke.  Sean Penn wins for Milk. So I’m getting ready for the speech.  I know it’s coming.  I almost thought Rourke was gonna win.  The speech is actually not bad.  Rourke gets a shout out.

Then my DVR cut off.  Thankfully I was caught up, so I just went live.  But doggone – I made the recording go an extra 15 min.  Oh well – it always goes long.

Steven Spielberg presents Best Picture to Slumdog Millionaire.   This movie better come to my town.  That’s all I’m saying.  Yay for them!

New movies I’m interested in seeing: Sherlock Holmes, UP, Fame, Terminator Salvation, 500 Days of Summer, Night at the Museum 2, Monsters Vs Aliens, Harry Potter, Angels and Demons, and the next Ice Age. But now I’ve gotta go to bed.  G’Night!

a fabulous baby

Tonight, Private Practice peripherally touched on the intersex issue.  An intersex baby is born, and the parents choose to have a gender assignment surgery.  [Of course, Addison, who always makes the right decision – for other people, shows them the light in her refusal to do the surgery.]

It reminded me of a story I read over the holidays.

The day the Joneses brought their baby home, lots of friends and relatives came over to see it. None of them knew about the secret Xperiment, though. So the first thing they asked was what kind of a baby X was. When the Joneses smiled and said, “It’s an X!” nobody knew what to say. They couldn’t say, “Look at her cute little dimples!” And they couldn’t say, “Look at his husky little biceps!” And they couldn’t even say just plain “kitchy-coo.” In fact, they all thought the Joneses were playing some kind of rude joke.

But, of course, the Joneses were not joking. “It’s an X” was absolutely all they would say. And that made the friends and relatives very angry. The relatives all felt embarrassed about having an X in the family. “People will think there’s something wrong with it!” some of them whispered. “There is something wrong with it!” others whispered back.

“Nonsense!” the Joneses told them all cheerfully. “What could possibly be wrong with this perfectly adorable X?”

Nobody could answer that, except Baby X, who had just finished its bottle. Baby X’s answer was a loud, satisfied burp.

Clearly, nothing at all was wrong.

h/t Bianca

I highly recommend reading the entire story.  I’d like to follow the Jones’ example if/when I have a child.

idol 1st 12 – eliminations

So, last night I forgot to talk about the crappy sound/mic issues that the contestants had to deal with.  And Paula’s awful hair.  But the mic issues are back this evening – with the group performance of I’m Yours.  Not the best group song, actually, and Michael’s crowding Anoop out of the frame, which is sad – cuz I love Anoop.  But Paula’s hair is better tonight.

Alexis is safe.  Michael beat out Anoop by 20,000 votes, which sucks.  Anoop’s personality is awesome, though – as much as I’ve seen.  I’d like to know him.

And now, an insignificant blast from the past: Carly and Mike from last season.  They sing a really blah song through the still-crappy mic issues.  I forgot

And then Tatiana and Danny are the last two contestants.  And because America is not completely insane, Danny is through to the top 12.

3 down, 9 to go.

new idol season: blech

Everyone had awful song choices.  Everyone.

I didn’t even listen to the person who chose to sing Donnie Hathaway’s A Song For You – it’s been so overdone, I barely like to hear *Donnie’s* version anymore.  Fast forwarded through most of all the other performances – from A Little Less Conversation to Saving All My Love and the hideous in between of Every Little Thing She Does, Rock With You.

There were two OK performances tonight: Alexis Grace and Danny Gokey.  And since there were so many terrible performances between Alexis and Danny, the judges were ecstatic to hear an actual good job on a song, and went Kuh-Ray-Zay over Danny.  [All except for Simon, who kept his head.]  Alexis did Aretha’s I Never Loved a Man, and didn’t suck.  She was  a ray of sunshine after the first two contestants, whose names I don’t think we’ll need to know.  But this is Aretha, y’all.  Big song to go after on night #1.  Danny chose another inspirational/sad song – as he always does.  I’m a HUGE Mariah fan – seriously – but I don’t need to hear Hero again.  I already lived through the 90s.

I have her entire catalog – minus maybe 2 songs? – and I just pretend that Hero doesn’t exist.  I’ll listen to One Sweet Day first.

So – why did these people choose these awful songs?  [Awful, in the sense of being completely wrong for their personalities and voices, with the exception of Danny, who hit with both, just -sadly- his personality is still on the negative side with the sympathy thing for his wife. …but I digress]  I have no clue why these people take months to come up with sorry crap – it’s hard, it’s scary…but it’s American Idol.  It’s the same show every year.

Surprise!  You have to choose songs that fit you, your personality, and remain current and relevant.

Most of tonight’s contestants were completely forgettable, and I’ve already forgotten them.  Hopefully Danny gets through.  Alexis would be nice, but doesn’t have to.  Everyone else should go home.  And Jamar should’ve been in one of their places.  Complete travesty, that.

Here’s hoping next week will be better.

ETA: Forgot Anoop was in this group.  He was lost in a sea of bad song choices and worse performances.  He did Monica’s Angel of Mine, and shouldn’t have.  He might be lost, which would be sad, cuz he’s cool.  But he was off tonight.

heroes: plot sinkhole

one reason I'm still watching

I’m addicted.  It’s so obvious I’m addicted.

I keep watching even though it’s … it’s sad.  How does a DHS official with a direct line to the president physically observe a woman she knows being tortured, issue a threat to close the entire operation down and charge a senator with human rights violations, and then she walks back out of the torture room – leaving her friend to be tortured?

Then it was sewed up quite nicely when Tracy was left to break the chains and show off her power right in front of the same DHS official.  Just in time to get a bunch of funding for Nathan’s evil plan.

Indian food?

i need some notice, ya’ll

The NAACP Awards are on tonight.  And the only reason I even know is that nothing else is being taped by my DVR.  So I checked to make sure ‘Bones’ isn’t supposed to be being taped.  And these awards are on.  Today, Lincoln’s birthday, is the 100th anniversary of the NAACP.

Beyonce opened with Halo and tears in her eyes.  The video montage ended with Obama, as these are so often wont to do.  I love that these awards are for people of color.  Not just black people.

Chandra Wilson won best female tv drama actress. YAY!  Jennifer Hudson won Best New Artist. Yay!  Hill Harper won best male tv actor. Yay!

Tracee Ellis Ross won for best female tv comedy actress on Girlfriends.  I thought that show was over.

Grey’s Anatomy won for outstanding tv drama.  Outstanding comedy series goes to TP’s House of Payne.  Really?  That show isn’t even that funny.

You know what?  I’m not listing these awards – there are too many!  They don’t televise a bunch of them, and so there are too many to list and pay attention to.  I’ve already missed that guy from House of Payne, and I don’t know what his name is.

And the awards to Wangari Maathai and Al Gore – I don’t even know what they were for!  The song by Will.I.Am was nice.  It was all for the environment – good to know he’s continuing to use his powers for good.

Diddy won for Raisin in the Sun – instead of Andre Braugher for Andromeda Strain [which I freakin loved].  This show is crazy.

Taraji won for Benjamin Button – instead of any of the lovely ladies from Bees.  I totally protest against that Button movie, just cuz it looks sucky to me.  I’m sure lots of people love it, but it’s not for me.

I’ve heard Seal do ‘A Change Gon’ Come’, and he did a good job.  Now it’s ‘People Get Ready’, which I’ve always loved.  It’s just so rare for me to hear something from him.  And Curtis Mayfield passed last year, so it’s fitting.  Oh shoot.  Now I’ve got tears in my eyes.

Oooh, Halle.  The black dress with a peekaboo halter and some sparkly snakeskin(?) – that thing is awesomely fine.  Great dress.

Russell Simmons is getting the Vanguard award.  I’m surprised he hasn’t already gotten one, but hey – shout out to the veggies!  Do you, folks.  Yoga mogul.  Ha!

How come every time Diddy comes on stage, they play I’ll Be Missing You?  That song came out forever ago.  He present the award to Russell, and he gives his hat to his girls [Ming & Aoki] – who give it back and forth to each other and really steal the show until he takes the hat back.  But then they take it back when one starts tapping on his arm, saying that she should also be thanked.  And then raises the award above her head.  While her sister plays with the gum in her mouth.  They’re fantastic!

Muhammad Ali receives the president’s award.  To the tune of The Greatest Love of All, I suppose because he is The Greatest.  And Jennifer Hudson sings The Impossible Dream, fittingly, beautifully.

Finally, The Secret Life of Bees wins for best movie, and the show is closed as are all these days – with Stevie Wonder.  This show was almost stressful in its speed and coverage of almost every facet of life.

Speaks to how overlooked we were.  In everything.  For so long.

oh these judges.

Jamar [best friend of Danny (whose wife died)] didn’t make it to the top 36 of American Idol.  Danny made it.  Jorge Nunez [with some real shaky vocals] made it.  Tatiana – the most annoying contestant to ever be on the show – made it.

Nobody – nobody – wanted Tatiana to make it.

And Jamar – cool, soulful rocker Jamar – no more.

That ‘Norman Gentle’ dude made it.  Matt and Michael made it.  Not Jamar.

I’m glad Anoop made it, but it won’t be as fun without Jamar.

it begins.

almost, doesn’t count?

Thanks to Liss, I had to watch a bit of the American Idol final auditions to keep my heart from palpitating.

See, for some reason, I am not appreciating all the townhall meetings.  All the talk about stimulus, with action still not forthcoming – blowing up into a battle between the Left and Right.  Lots of ways to spend money, not so many ways to *make* money.  The talking is actually really annoying, and I’ve passed the point of being disgusted with the folks who are supposed to be representing us and acting in our interests.

The longer I live, the more it becomes clear that we are all the same.  None of us has ever come this way before.  Some of us are better at learning from others and others’ mistakes, but most of the time we’re all just making it up as we go.

When you figure out that we’re all just making this up, you realize how much more important it is for those people in positions of responsibility to learn as much as they can about whatever it is they’re responsible for.  We have to be diligent, because we are actually running things.  That is a scary thought sometimes.

So check it out:

According to Kanjorski, on September 18, 2008 the Fed tried to “stem the tide” by pumping money into the financial system but it didn’t work and decided instead to announce an immediate increase in deposit insurance to $250,000 per account to stop the panic.

Said Kanjorski: “If they had not done that, their estimation is that by 2 p.m. that afternoon, $5.5 trillion would have been drawn out of the money market system of the U.S., would have collapsed the entire economy of the U.S., and within 24 hours the world economy would have collapsed. It would have been the end of our economic system and our political system as we know it.

::shudder::

grammy’s: the ok music awards

Tonight is the night for the biggest music award…or at least, they’re trying to hold on to that reputation.  Grammy’s still mean a lot, bu the AMAs, WMAs, MTV moonmen, and BET Awards are edging them out in relevance.  By far, the best music awards show last year was the BET awards.  And I can already see the Grammy;s this year are gonna be a lil weak.  So I’ll pop the occasional edamame, and comment as I am wont to do.

U2 starts the show with a song I’ve never heard, perhaps entitled Big Kiss?  Not a bad song.  The lyrics are flashed across the big screen behind Bono, so you can understand what he’s singing.  Some of them seem to be hallucinogenic-inspired, but that’s not necessarily surprising.  And watching Bono…dance…is super-entertaining.  Good performance, even if the song wasn’t familiar to me.

Whitney instroduces the first award – Best R&B Album – in a very nice dress, but a kind of ugly wig.  Only one woman was nominated, and she won: Jennifer Hudson!  It’s her year.  Her dress was kind of weird.  Sculpted, white, gray and black.  This was big for her, it’s been a rough year, but I know she’s got big things still to come.

Dwayne “The Rock” is my man and all, but he’s no MC.  [Er.  Dave Grohl and Paul McCartney? Ok.]

JT, Boyz II Men, and Keith Urban are supposed to be doing a tribute with/to Al Green, and uh, it’s just not really working.  The best part is probably is Keith Urban on the guitar.  Al doesn’t seem to be into it until closer to the end when he steps out and does a high note – which Justin feels ill-advisedly compelled to imitate.  Let’s Stay Together doesn’t resonate with this audience, apparently, and all I can think of is how bad this is compared to the BET awards last year. [really bad]

Coldplay is still the same. This is Chris Martin and Jay-Z doing Lost.  Better than usual.  But then it’s back to the usual: Viva La Vida.

Carrie Underwood’s up next with Last Name.  It’s a little rock-ed up, and I like it.  A lot.  And I’m noticing a trend with the mic’s.  Chris Martin had a personalized mic with different colors, Carrie’s is covered in glitter – cool.  I’ll keep an eye on them.  eanwhile, Carrie is belting like she’s still trying to please Simon – in all the right ways.  She stuck the landing – this was a crowd pleaser!

Leann Rimes and Sheryl Crow match.  It’s kinda cute.  But Leann’s hair is really flat.  Oh well, Sugarland wins for Stay, which is a nice song.  And another woman wins – I like it.

Duffy and Al Green present – now there’s a pair up I think would’ve been cool.  And it turns out they do!  Although Al sounds way more awesome by himself.  Woo!  Coldplay wins Song of the Year for Viva La Vida. I stick out my tongue at this.

Kid Rock begins his song Amen with some really disturbing commentary on the current situation of the world.  This is no Bawitdaba.  The phrase “got me feeling guilty for being white” makes the song a whole ‘nother level of interesting.  Then the song ends and segues into a couple phrases of All Summer Long [which I’ve not made any secret about hating].  And we’re into Rock n Roll Jesus to close the set.  Eh.

Since I’m watching on a delay, I get to fast-forward through commercials now, so once again THANK YOU DVR!

And now – the JoBros break up club: Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift singing Fifteen together.  Miley’s sparkly jacket is just a little bit heinous, and her affect is just a little bit hilarious.  Taylor looks like a pro and Miley looks like an amateur.  But maybe it’s just a difference in age.

They present Best Pop Collaboration and I can’t believe No Air is even still eligible.  It’s definitely more popular than Rich Woman by Robert Plant and Alison Krauss.  But they win, and only Robert speaks.  Huh.

Jennifer Hudson sings You Pulled Me Through with great control, and looks exceptionally put together.  Great hair, and a black sequined dress that fits just right (until the end of th song when the one shoulder comes down but looks good anyway).  I couldn’t tell if she was referring to God or her fans in the song, but she closes pointing to the viewer…inspirational either way.

Jason Mraz is so quirky with his suit and sneakers.

I’ve just been personally insulted by the Grammys.  Stevie Wonder is guesting on a JoBros performance – opening with a vocoder seuence, and then singing sporadically when one of these children yells his name.  Now they’re going to back him up on Superstition.  This should not be happening!  I don’t believe it.  This isn’t real life.  Maybe I sound irrational, but this is weirding me out.  ::shudder:: it’s over.  good.

Blink 182 together again?  I missed these guys!  Yay.  Presenting Best Rock Album to -surprise,surprise- Coldplay.  Blah.

Whee! Colin Ferguson has scarred the ears of Kate Beckinsale’s child.  He’s used to late-night, I suppose.  His intro of Katy Perry was ok.  Her performance of I Kissed a Girl is…ok.  I’d actually like to see Jill Sobule come out and hear some kind of mix of the two songs.  Or really, just hear Jill Sobule’s song.  But at least the dress she came in is really nice.

Kanye’s hair is hitting old heights – 80s heights actually.  Estelle does this song so awesomely, I really like American Boy.  Her dress is a little spacey – it kind of makes her look hippy when she’s not.  They present Best New Artist to Adele.  I’m surprised she beat Duffy.  But she does have a really good voice.  Adele’s hair is really weird, but her dress is GREAT.  Freakin’ awesome, I love it.  Black, classic, great lines.

And now I’m listening to the Grammy announcer and she’s talking about an unprecedented “hip-hop summit” with TI, Jay-Z, Lil Wayne, and Kanye.  Uh.  What?  Does she just mean they’ll perform Swagga Like Us?  I thought a summit was more like a discussion panel or something.  I’m excited, cuz I freakin’ love that song, and I dance around in my house when I turn it on and crank up the volume, but – a summit?

Kenny Chesney is America’s biggest ticket seller.  Wow.  The only time I ever hear his music is on these award shows.  This song (Better as a Memory) doesn’t suck, though.

Sean Combs, Natalie Cole, Herbie Hancock? Interesting pair-up for presenting Record of the Year to Alison Krauss and Robert Plant’s Please Read the Letter.  Who is voting for this stuff???  MIA shoulda won that.  How hot is that dress?

Queen La notes Dean Martin’s Lifetime Achievement Award.   And now – the new Rat Pack.  I know that’s what Kanye wants to be, too.  Mom-to-be MIA intros and Jigga actually looks like an executive.  MIA wipes the dirt from his shoulder and bops out in a funky mini-maternadress.  Weezy hits his rhymes, but TI holds the swagga.

Apparently, MIA was due *today* so.  So.  That baby’s comin’ soon.  And has a freakin’ cool mom.

Sir Paul and Dave Grohl do I Saw Her Standing There.  I wondered how this would sound.  It sounds like the Beatles.

Jack Black is himself.  He intros Charlie Hayden, who in turn presents the Lifetime Achievment to Hank Jones.  They present Best Male Pop Vocal to John Mayer for Say.  Good song.  Bad jacket.  Shiny, strange.

Then the idiot Jay Mohr and the lovely LL intro Adele and Sugarland.  Stay. [Way better than the countrification of Irreplaceable]  Jennifer Nettles definitely gets into the song, and starts this weird, floopy-looking swaying. [Perhaps “floopy-looking” is unclear, but should you have the opportunity to watch a clip, you’ll see this was the only appropriate word.]  The collab on Chasing Pavements and it’s nice.  Well done.

Gwyneth intros Radiohead and the UNC Trojan Marching Band: 15 Step.  I like this.  The lead singer seems like he might be a lil bit..special.  But I like this.  UNC’s the rockin-est band, for reals, with this performance.  And you know all the guys on the drumline are freakin’ out like they’re real rock stars.

Samuel L Jackson, and his signature loud voice, intro Justin and TI performing Dead and Gone.  Some doofy reviewer at RollingStone said that Paper Trail was just a party cd and nothing big.  So with every smooth flow that comes from TI and this album I say – y’all people don’t know what you’re talking about.  The performance is great, but there’s something about southern rap that I just don’t feel like you can really appreciate unless you’re IN the south, in your car, riding with the music ALL the way up.  It’s the king, partner.

The Grammy Yes We Can speech really sucks.  The Grammy museum looks cool, though.  And now they’re petitioning a cabinet position for Secretary of Arts?  OK.

Smokey presents the Lifetime Achievement to the Four Tops.  Smokey and the last extant Top -Duke Fakir- join Jamie Foxx and Ne-Yo team up for a tribute Reach Out (I’ll Be There), Standing in the Shadows of Love, I Can’t Help Myself (Sugar Pie Honey Bunch).  Smokey’s voice is still there and still phenomenal.  Ne-Yo and Jamie are definitely better in their own niches.  Performance overall is fairly well choreographed but, just ok.

I can’t stand Josh Groban, but Neil Diamond makes me nostalgic.  My dad used to play him when I was a kid.  I love that he’s still got his own swagger.  He’s 68.  Go boy.

BB and John Mayer toast those that passed last year, and it was ok.

Weezy and Robin Thicke’s tribute for the N.O. is nice.  It’s Weezy’s world, y’all.  We just live here.  The song is hot. HOT.

Two hats and glasses present Best Rap Album – T-Pain and Will.I.Am.  Wayne pulls out a home run from a year of ultimate highs.  I’d love to have seen TI win, but, like I said: It’s Weezy’s world.

Zooey Deschanel intros Robert Plant and Alison Krauss performing Rich Woman and Gone Gone Gone (Done Moved On).  I like Zooey, loved her in Elf.  But this music isn’t my style, and I don’t really have anything to say about it, other than at least there’s some harmony – so that’s nice.

Whee!  Green Day’s working on an album: ’21st Century Breakdown’.  Producer of the Year: Rick Rubin (Neil Diamond, Weezer, Metallica, Jakob Dylan).  And Album of the Year goes to ‘Raising Sand’ – Robert Plant and Alison Krauss.  Finally, she gets to talk.  But uh, this is kinda crazy.

Stevie closes the show.  A woman talks over him.  Credits roll.  A ‘Without a Trace’ commercial cuts him off.  I’m tired of folks trotting Stevie out whenever they want to show how much they appreciate ‘good’ music – and how they’re in touch with…whatever.

Overall, the awards were -wait for it- OK.  I’m looking forward to the BET Awards this year.  Except that TI is gonna be in jail…sad.