I’m back from Hilton Head and made it home just in time to unpack and catch the VMAs. Tonight begins with an MJ tribute kicked off by Madonna, which actually brought me to tears by the end. Next came dance numbers from Thriller, Bad, Smooth Criminal, and Scream (apparently, me and Bey love this song!). I’m not sure how the lean works in Smooth Criminal, but apparently one of the dancers couldn’t get his trick to work and just bent at the waist…
But now Janet’s on stage and I’m so glad that they had the chance to record this song together.
Tribute over, now we get to see Katy Perry singing Queen (w/Joe Perry on guitar), to bring Russell Brand onstage. She does a good job, considering that I’m not actually into her. And since I’ve now seen Forgetting Sarah Marshall, I know a bit more about Russell Brand. Don’t all the way hate him. But I still am not a fan. He’s still really doing really rude humor, and I’m not impressed.
And I think it’s gonna be one of those nights where whenever one of his jokes falls flat he’s gonna reference love and MJ.
The camera pans to Lady GaGa several times and I admit, here and now, I don’t get her. It just seems like she’s trying too hard.
Best female video (presented by Shakira, and the teen wolf from Twilight): Taylor Swift wins for You Belong With Me – I thought it should be for Romeo and Juliet. But maybe that was last year.
So then Kanye pulls a Kanye and jumps up on stage, grabs Taylor’s mic and says Beyonce made one of the best videos of all time. Bey had a kinda thanks-that’s-really-sweet-but-I-didn’t-ask-for-that-and-I-love-my-fans-ok? look on her face. Taylor looks around, not really knowing what to do. So they cue up a video intro for the Best New Artist voting. That way the booing calmed down. But how is Asher Roth in the running for BNA?
And there we are – Russell Brand’s first ref to love and MJ when he makes a crappy dirty joke.
Leighton Meester and Jack Black present Best Rock video. Sometimes I wonder how Coldplay qualifies as rock. I don’t have to worry, though. Green Day wins!
Miranda Cosgrove [AKA iCarly, a friend of Jack Black’s] and some kid I’ve never seen or heard of [perhaps because I’m a bit of an oldhead] introduce Taylor Swift singing in the subway on the way to Radio City. Once again – You Belong with Me – cute the first 80 times I heard it. Now…just ok.
Lady Gaga actually has a really good voice. So maybe she’s just Prince-eccentric. I don’t really get the wheelchair and brace in the dance number. And then the poorly mic’d piano bit that segues into her having been mortally wounded and hanging center stage? That was really disturbing. And this Wale person functioning as house band vocalist has (I guess) been assigned to distract everyone from all the weirdness. So the audience doesn’t really get the chance to let what’s actually happening sink in.
The clips with Em and Tracy are a lil bit cute. I think I’d prefer Em as a comedic actor.
Russell Brand makes a joke that no one laughs at – maybe because it seems to reference taking advantage of a mentally ill person by drugging and raping her.
Nelly Furtado and Kristin C. present Best Pop video and I think we all are hoping Bey wins. But she doesn’t. Brit-Brit wins for Womanizer. But at least she’s on tour, so no one can come take her mic away.
Then we get Adam Brody [looking a tiny-bit more grown up] and Megan Fox [wearing an ugly dress, IMO] to introduce Green Day’s performance. Billie Joe is way hype. Tre Cool’s only signs of life are the fact that he continues to beat the drums. Then BJA decides to get a bunch of fans up on stage – starting with a girl that looks like someone took her pants. Then it’s mayhem for a lil while until we see him again body surfing. I’m sure that was a security nightmare.
But then we get a nice nugget from the announcer-lady pre-commercial, Bey got a VMA for best choreo. Yay!
***Twi-hard moment*** Unplug your brains, peeps. Yay for Dakota Fanning getting a cool role. Boo for the cute boy losing the girl to Mr. Cellophane.
NeYo and Nate from GG intro Ms. Bey. Sasha Fierce is in the building, y’all! And hopefully this many dancers will finally cement the fact that it’s the left hand that gets the ring into people’s minds. Wheee! That is why I watch, MTV!
Jamie Lynn Siegler and Diddy intro Best Male vid. When Diddy says Kanye’s name there’s a bunch of booing, cuz folks can’t move on. I love TI and NeYo, but I got love for Jay too, so basically I’m cool with anybody but Em winning this. TI wins! ATL, baby! WOOOOO!!!
Muse, an apparently British band that inspires Stephanie Meyer, plays in a separate theater. I’m guessing this is the potty break/nap time for viewers, audience members in the main theater, and prep time for presenters. I’m ffwd-ing. [oh DVR, how I love thee]
A glitter covered man singing Gives You Hell finishes up and then J Lo is onstage to present Best Hip-Hop vid. I don’t think Em should even be nominated for this – that song is not hip-hop. Kanye’s isn’t really, either. I feel like this should go straight to Jay. But instead it doesn’t. This doofball Em gets it. And if he says something about MC I will flip. Thankfully his mouth stays shut.
Then there’s a tiny moment dedicated to DJ AM.
Russell Brand is back on. Miraculously he doesn’t insult anyone and actually calls Tracy Morgan a comedy legend. Wow. Em and Tracy present BNA to Lady GaGa…who can’t really see because of her bizarre outfit. She clains her moonman for her fans, God, and the gays. Ok.
Serena’s onstage now to introduce Pink. She references that little line thing and then all eyes are on Pink. She’s on the ground for a few moments and then she’s in the air the rest of the time she performs Sober. With no wardrobe malfunctions. Maybe that’s how the superbowl forever ago was actually supposed to work. Nonetheless, her work in the air was awesome!
Video of the Year is presented by SNL folks: Jimmy Fallon [yawn], and Andy Samberg [grin]. They reference BIIM and Motownphilly and I love it – LOVE. Moonman goes to Bey! Whee! She is happy. And Jay is still on the way. But Bey gives this moment to Taylor – also wearing a red dress. Looking SO seventeen. Sounding so seventeen. But really – all’s well that ends well, right?
How has the hype around Jay gotten this big? Come on. He’s not that big. But this’ll be cool. Alicia Keys and Jay. And I know he’s loving it but feels like a fool being as old as he is having to sag his pants. A tribute to the city. I like it. And I love how Bey is all the way into supporting her man. All the way. Edited to add: Ok. I saw Lil Mama hop up o stage and try to get in the mix. This song is hype, but come on Mama, really? Aren’t you just a little embarrassed?
And now the close: This Is It, the documentary. With “never-before-seen” footage. You know, now, every time I hear those few beginning notes of Man in the Mirror, I get tears in my eyes.
Were the last words of the VMAs just Hare Krishna? Could we please stop having Russell Brand as the host, please???
Let’s let Mike’s legacy be how we end this evening: