Sometimes I wonder if this is what my life is going to be like. You know – for the foreseeable future? Lately it’s been like I’m watching everyone move on, and I’m still here. In the same place. Doing the same thing.
I wouldn’t say I’m not happy – just that I expected more. And it’s much more clear to me now that ‘more’ is something I’ll have to go out and get myself. Being not-so-easily motivated makes that difficult. But I can see this is the time for change, for better or worse, I suppose. Even an old friend that I’ve always kinda counted on to be reliably safe&boring, tho still somewhat unpredictable [reconcile that], has decided to exercise his unpredictable side this year.
With my work-buddy gone, and the shutdown of what was once the major part of my department at work, I guess I can see the handwriting on the wall. Leaving is complicated and tiresome and risky and scary – all things I’d much rather avoid. Which is what I usually do, to my own detriment. Here’s hoping that I can grab ahold of my own “change [I] can believe in”.