the AMAs: kid sister shares time in the spotlight

For Jermaine (who was trying to sing along, but didn’t know the words):

Everywhere I go, every smile I see
I know you are there – smiling back at me
Dancing in moonlight I know you are free
Cuz I can see your star shining down on me

Janet is a star.  And she’s still got it.  I can’t imagine what she’s been through this year, but she brought the best opening sequence I’ve seen at the American Music Awards in a while.

Paula Abdul is up next in a beautiful black dress and looking completely present – is she hosting?  Well, she’s presenting the first award…

Fave Pop/Rock Group: BEP collects their 6th AMA.

Haven’t actually seen Veronica Mars in a minute – but she gets to give Rascal Flatts their best Country group award for the 4th straight year.  And Pete Wentz  kinda creeps me out.  Which is fitting I guess, cuz watching his wife on Melrose Place, she kinda creeps me out, too.

Maybe it’s cuz my life is just barely winding down from the crazy, but I’m feeling particularly snarky.  Daughtry doesn’t usually get any love from me, since I’m not really into the rock bands that all sound the same to me.  ffwd.

Shakira’s performance starts off cool with the steppers, and then her hair’s kinda cool – she kinda looks like she’s going for Mariah’s look.  But I’m trying to figure out if I’m actually hearing her voice or not.  Adam Lambert seems totally into it, which actually ups his stock in my estimation.

Keith Urban is definitely one of the cutest country artists there are – I guess that’s why he doesn’t have to wear a hat.  Kiss A Girl is ok, but..uh…ffwd.

Reba McIntyre is definitely looking better than she did on SNL last night…she introduces Kelly Clarkson – the one, true Idol.  I love Already Gone.  It’s just a great song.  And I love Kelly Clarkson.  So it’s great.

Fave Pop/Rock Female Artist: Taylor Swift – she’s at Wembley Stadium for a show tomorrow night – cool.

A. Rod, Jay-Z, Alicia Keys – New York State of Mind.  I love this song.  I can’t even explain it.  I even get why Lil Mama jumped up on stage at the MTv Awards.  Solange, Taye Diggs, they’re into it – Leona Lewis is barely head bobbin’ – Melissa Etheridge is feeling this more than her.  Whitney’s proving there’s still a little Bobby left in her, and Perez Hilton is surprisingly rhythmic.  This is probably the hypest song of the year.

Alternative Rock Band: Green Day.  Second time they’ve won this one.  Short n sweet thank yous – the way I like ’em.

Ok. Wait.  What?  Kate Hudson is wearing something crazy.  It basically makes her look like a boy.  I just saw way too much of her chest.

You know what?  The Black-Eyed Peas are fun, party music, but I kinda don’t understand them.  Their performances always seem so odd.  I just don’t get it.  They kinda seem like grown up versions of iCarly – cuz of how nonsensical they seem, sometimes.  But I. Love. Boom Boom Boom.  Seth Green seems to like it, too.  That was the craziest mashup I’ve seen in some time – It Takes Two To Make A Thing Go Right and Smells Like Teen Spirit?  Crazy.  But it worked.

Soul/R&B Male:  Michael Jackson.  With Jermaine and his family accepting, because he hadn’t yet been inappropriate enough.  By the way, I actually think Jamie Foxx should’ve won, but I understand why MJ won.  It’s not necessarily undeserved.

Country Male:  Keith Urban.  First AMA – congrats.  ffwd.

Soul/R&B Female: Beyonce.  Couldn’t be there.  Awww.

Ne-Yo does a song from the Princess and the Frog?  YAY!  I love him.  He intros RiRi wearing a modified suit from The Fifth Element.  How can you not love the line – “I’m such a freakin’ lady”?

Carrie Underwood performs and it looks like she’s wearing  a look by Carol Hannah (of Project Runway fame).  I definitely feel like I saw that as the first look on her Bryant Park collection.  She’s the second voted Idol to perform tonight, third alum to sing, and 4th to grace the stage, as Kris Allen presented.  Paula is pleased as punch.

Then Lady Gaga performs and it is…to be expected, I guess.  I don’t know what that strap over her privates is. but it’s weirdly distracting.  Her voice is really good though.  When she plays the piano things are nice, except the camera’s obsession with her crotch being fed by the fact that her legs are spread w-i-d-e open.  I suppose it’s true that without all of her eccentricities she probably wouldn’t be famous at all.

PS – I still don’t like Perez Hilton.

Drake, Kid Cudi, Jeremi, introduce Mary J.  Why did Drake have to say it was his mother’s fave woman in the world?  I guess it’s nice.  But…it definitely spotlights her age.  Though Mary’s looking dang good.  And her voice is SO much better!  Her performances have really improved.

Ahh – so that‘s Colby Callait.  She wasn’t feeling NY State of Mind.  Eh.  And Gloriana wins Breakthrough Artist.

Who is Gloriana?

I thought Keri Hilson shoulda won.  But Country does have very devoted fans.

J. Lo’s singing again?  I like this song.  But I do not like the outfit.  Those shorts are AWFUL!  And then they – they – made it worse!  They put some kind of strange skirt looking thing over it!  Throw on your Louboutins and get thee to a stylist, Jenny-from-the-block!

Samuel L. Jackson presents International Artist of the Year to Whitney.  I wonder what is required to win this.  I’m amazed that the Bodyguard soundtrack is still the number 1 soundtrack – I thought sure it’d be Titanic.  But Whitney has come back and I’m happy.  She looks great.  And she sounds great.  You know that choir is so proud of her.  I think most every Black person in America is proud of Whitney’s comeback – and that she’s no longer with Bobby.  She wasn’t built to break.  You go Whitney.  Ooh – and Bobbi Christina is cute, now?  Everything’s coming up roses for Whitney, now.

Fave Country Female: Taylor Swift.  She’s still up?  How is she gonna be ready for the concert?

Fave Pop/Rock Male: It’s a shame MJ died this year.  For so many reasons.  He’s now won 23 AMAs.  Jermaine’s Muslim?  I thought they were Jehovah’s Witnesses.  It would’ve been nice to see TI spank Em, though.  I dunno if it would’ve happened, but I woulda loved it.  So I’m gonna say that’s how it would’ve gone.

Alicia Keys has brought back all the 90s dances, and that dude dancer she’s got is in-cred-i-ble.   And a lil bit hot.  But unbelievably talented.  She’s wearing some craziness, but then, that’s what she does.  I like this song, too.  Have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart?

Seth Green intros Em and Fitty.  It’s kinda disgusting to me to see girls singing along with Em, seeing as how he’s so woman-hating in his music.  Not that I don’t kinda like that second song he was doing.

Now Timbaland is kinda cool but also bananas.  I’m glad he’s still hanging with Nelly Furtado – that’s cool.  I dunno who the other girl is.  But the zombie thing is a little bit cool.  With a not-so-subtle Thriller reference it’s cute.

That little Hobbit fellow from FlashForward kinda gives me the creeps.  But I would also be jumping up and down to intro Green Day singing 21 Guns.  I love this song.  And I love how these guys are old and married with kids now, but they’re still great.

Wow.  I had no idea Keri Hilson was that tall!  Or..that Toni Braxton was that short.  They present fave Rap/Hip-Hop Male:  Jay-Z.  So…who would be nominated for the female version of this award?  Is there even a female version?

Ryan Seacrest had time to present?  How many jobs does he have?

Artist of the Year:  Taylor Swift.  She won 5 tonight.  I kinda thought she’d win.

And now Adam Lambert performs.  Isn’t it a lil over the top to grind into a dude’s face?  The lyrics are actually right on – “do you know what I’m about to do?”  I was never really a fan, so excuse me if I think his 15min are up.  I still think he’d be better in a more Freddie Mercury role.  I’m watching the folks by the stage and everyone just looks like they’re staring.  They’re all clapping now, but…he still weirds me out a little.

Oh, and 9 awards were given out earlier, with Jay-Z winning a couple, Michael winning a few, and Taylor winning a few.  But I didn’t see a Rap/Hip-Hop category for the ladies.  Come back Eve – we miss you!

 

 

 

 

 

just in time for the awards

VMAsI’m back from Hilton Head and made it home just in time to unpack and catch the VMAs.   Tonight begins with an MJ tribute kicked off by Madonna, which actually brought me to tears by the end.  Next came dance numbers from Thriller, Bad, Smooth Criminal, and Scream (apparently, me and Bey love this song!).  I’m not sure how the lean works in Smooth Criminal, but apparently one of the dancers couldn’t get his trick to work and just bent at the waist…

janet

I can't imagine how strong you have to be to perform in honor of a sibling...

But now Janet’s on stage and I’m so glad that they had the chance to record this song together.

Tribute over, now we get to see Katy Perry singing Queen (w/Joe Perry on guitar), to bring Russell Brand onstage.  She does a good job, considering that I’m not actually into her.  And since I’ve now seen Forgetting Sarah Marshall, I know a bit more about Russell Brand.  Don’t all the way hate him.  But I still am not a fan.  He’s still really doing really rude humor, and I’m not impressed.

And I think it’s gonna be one of those nights where whenever one of his jokes falls flat he’s gonna reference love and MJ.

crazy appetizer - more to come!

crazy appetizer - more to come!

The camera pans to Lady GaGa several times and I admit, here and now, I don’t get her.  It just seems like she’s trying too hard.

Best female video (presented by Shakira, and the teen wolf from Twilight):  Taylor Swift wins for You Belong With Me – I thought it should be for Romeo and Juliet.  But maybe that was last year.

"what can I say? it's all about Bey! [not me!]"

"what can I say? it's all about Bey! (not me!)

 

So then Kanye pulls a Kanye and jumps up on stage, grabs Taylor’s mic and says Beyonce made one of the best videos of all time.    Bey had a kinda thanks-that’s-really-sweet-but-I-didn’t-ask-for-that-and-I-love-my-fans-ok? look on her face.  Taylor looks around, not really knowing what to do.  So they cue up a video intro for the Best New Artist voting.  That way the booing calmed down.  But how is Asher Roth in the running for BNA?

And there we are – Russell Brand’s first ref to love and MJ when he makes a crappy dirty joke.

Leighton Meester and Jack Black present Best Rock video.  Sometimes I wonder how Coldplay qualifies as rock.  I don’t have to worry, though.  Green Day wins!

Miranda Cosgrove [AKA iCarly, a friend of Jack Black’s] and some kid I’ve never seen or heard of [perhaps because I’m a bit of an oldhead] introduce Taylor Swift singing in the subway on the way to Radio City.  Once again – You Belong with Me – cute the first 80 times I heard it.  Now…just ok.

perhaps a little over-the-top

perhaps a little over-the-top

Lady Gaga actually has a really good voice.  So maybe she’s just Prince-eccentric.  I don’t really get the wheelchair and brace in the dance number.  And then the poorly mic’d piano bit that segues into her having been mortally wounded and hanging center stage?  That was really disturbing.  And this Wale person functioning as house band vocalist has (I guess) been assigned to distract everyone from all the weirdness.  So the audience doesn’t really get the chance to let what’s actually happening sink in.

The clips with Em and Tracy are a lil bit cute.  I think I’d prefer Em as a comedic actor.

Russell Brand makes a joke that no one laughs at – maybe because it seems to reference taking advantage of a mentally ill person by drugging and raping her.

Nelly Furtado and Kristin C. present Best Pop video and I think we all are hoping Bey wins.  But she doesn’t.  Brit-Brit wins for Womanizer.  But at least she’s on tour, so no one can come take her mic away.

Then we get Adam Brody [looking a tiny-bit more grown up] and Megan Fox [wearing an ugly dress, IMO] to introduce Green Day’s performance.   Billie Joe is way hype.  Tre Cool’s only signs of life are the fact that he continues to beat the drums.  Then BJA decides to get a bunch of fans up on stage – starting with a girl that looks like someone took her pants.  Then it’s mayhem for a lil while until we see him again body surfing.  I’m sure that was a security nightmare.

Security!

Security!

But then we get a nice nugget from the announcer-lady pre-commercial, Bey got a VMA for best choreo.  Yay!

***Twi-hard moment***  Unplug your brains, peeps.  Yay for Dakota Fanning getting a cool role.  Boo for the cute boy losing the girl to Mr. Cellophane.

NeYo and Nate from GG intro Ms. Bey.  Sasha Fierce is in the building, y’all!  And hopefully this many dancers will finally cement the fact that it’s the left hand that gets the ring into people’s minds.  Wheee!  That is why I watch, MTV!

i got my hands up! oh, oh, oh

i got my hands up! oh, oh, oh

Jamie Lynn Siegler and Diddy intro Best Male vid.  When Diddy says Kanye’s name there’s a bunch of booing, cuz folks can’t move on.  I love TI and NeYo, but I got love for Jay too, so basically I’m cool with anybody but Em winning this.  TI wins!  ATL, baby!  WOOOOO!!!

Muse, an apparently British band that inspires Stephanie Meyer, plays in a separate theater.  I’m guessing this is the potty break/nap time for viewers, audience members in the main theater, and prep time for presenters.  I’m ffwd-ing. [oh DVR, how I love thee]

A glitter covered man singing Gives You Hell finishes up and then J Lo is onstage to present Best Hip-Hop vid.  I don’t think Em should even be nominated for this – that song is not hip-hop.  Kanye’s isn’t really, either.  I feel like this should go straight to Jay.  But instead it doesn’t.  This doofball Em gets it.  And if he says something about MC I will flip.  Thankfully his mouth stays shut.

Then there’s a tiny moment dedicated to DJ AM.

come on now.  really?

come on now. really?

Russell Brand is back on.  Miraculously he doesn’t insult anyone and actually calls Tracy Morgan a comedy legend.  Wow.  Em and Tracy present BNA to Lady GaGa…who can’t really see because of her bizarre outfit.  She clains her moonman for her fans, God, and the gays.  Ok.

Serena’s onstage now to introduce Pink.  She references that little line thing and then all eyes are on Pink.  She’s on the ground for a few moments and then she’s in the air the rest of the time she performs Sober. With no wardrobe malfunctions.  Maybe that’s how the superbowl forever ago was actually supposed to work.  Nonetheless, her work in the air was awesome!

Video of the Year is presented by SNL folks: Jimmy Fallon [yawn], and Andy Samberg [grin].  They reference BIIM and Motownphilly and I love it – LOVE.  Moonman goes to Bey!  Whee!  She is happy.  And Jay is still on the way.  But Bey gives this moment to Taylor – also wearing a red dress.  Looking SO seventeen.  Sounding so seventeen.  But really – all’s well that ends well, right?

How has the hype around Jay gotten this big?  Come on.  He’s not that big.  But this’ll be cool.  Alicia Keys and Jay.  And I know he’s loving it but feels like a fool being as old as he is having to sag his pants.  A tribute to the city.  I like it.  And I love how Bey is all the way into supporting her man.  All the way.  Edited to add: Ok.  I saw Lil Mama hop up o stage and try to get in the mix.  This song is hype, but come on Mama, really?  Aren’t you just a little embarrassed?

And now the close: This Is It, the documentary.  With “never-before-seen” footage.  You know, now, every time I hear those few beginning notes of Man in the Mirror, I get tears in my eyes.

Were the last words of the VMAs just Hare Krishna?  Could we please stop having Russell Brand as the host, please???

Let’s let Mike’s legacy be how we end this evening: