Christina opened with a medley that was awesome – shout out to Genie in the Bottle! Then I saw Jimmy Kimmel was hosting. Oh. Eh. He cracks a joke about Mariah to cement his being on my bad side and brings my bf onstage to award Best Female Artist. That’s right – Jamie Foxx is my boyf. I know y’all thought me and Twitch were gonna get married, but it turns out – I need somebody who can sing to me.
Best Female R&B Artist – Rihanna
Then the Old Kids on the Block performed and gave me the chills. The skeevy chills. The mix of old and new songs was o.k…Jordan’s falsetto was a lil bit scary, but apparently authentic. The dance moves though – these guys move like old guys. They need to sit down.
Best Male R&B Artist – Chris Brown (awww – what a great night for the couple)
Was Scott Weiland high? Introducing Pink seemed quite difficult – maybe the teleprompter was acting wonky or something.
Pink’s performance was awesome and totally heartfelt – but Taylor Swift’s performance seems particularly poignant since that Jonas boy that broke up with her (on a text?) is sitting in the audience. She sitting there singing about being dumped. Pretty professional for a 17-yr-old. She got a lil bit grimy at the end – GO TAYLOR! [I hate the Jonas Brothers]
Best Country Group: Rascal Flatts [cuz they actually are the best]
Ne-Yo, the Gentleman. Turn the lights off in this place. This boy can write songs. And sing. And dance. But in a way, he’s kinda like Tim McGraw. In that I prefer for him to keep his hat on. [I watched SNL last night and realized I’d never seen Tim McGraw without his hat on. You know, he always looked so cute with Faith Hill…but…he always has a hat on. Dude without the hat? Uh uh.
Best Rap/Hip-Hop Album: Kanyeezy wants to be Elvis.
Jesse McCartney cowrote Bleeding Love – who knew? Leona Lewis looks totally larger than life whenever I see her. Better in Time isn’t my fave, though. The performance is kinda anti-climactic for an awards show.
Billy Ray Cyrus introduces Miley’s performance. This is the performance that convinces me that I am old. Her voice is interesting. Pretty amazing that she gets to perform at the AMAs for her 16th bday. I didn’t like that song, though.
Best Male Country Artist: Brad Paisley
But cute – Taylor Swift and Jordin Sparks are there with Miley as she blows out her candles. Great human interest.
I’m slowly becoming a Coldplay fan. Everything they do is pretty pleasant. I guess I just associate a lot of the obnoxious better-than-everyone-else vibe I get from Gwyneth, with Chris Martin – since he married her. Guess the AMAs didn’t go green this year. What with the detritus of a thousand trees flying through the air and landing on the stage.
Best Pop/Rock Album: Alicia Keys – great dress. Great, great, great dress. Awesome. Good shape, great color. And I am happy cuz I don’t listen to whoever else was nominated.
Terrence Howard is presenting Mariah with a record-breaker award. And Mc sings – I Stay in Love. The top of the dress is awesome – the bottom is a hot mess. The slit in the back isn’t enough – the dress is so long she can barely walk. Miley was also having earpiece issues, so maybe it’s an MC thing? This performance still seems a little low-key, but when she stretched her arm out at the end – her arm looked so muscle-y. She could totally punch you out.
Huh. That girl from Scrubs was Ted’s gf on HIMYM (I hated her). And now Scrubs is gonna be on ABC? Eh – Never liked it.
Best Country Female: Taylor Swift. In your face Jonas Boys.
Best Pop/Rock Female: Rihanna. She’s got that paper detritus stuck in the back of her dress. Good for her.
Kate Walsh cut her hair. And introduced the Fray. The lead singer always sounds like he’s about to go to sleep.
Jordin Sparks’ dress is SO freakin cute!! Yellow and adorable. [What’s up with Jordin and Enrique having already won – but we have no idea what?]
Best Rap/Hip-Hop Male: Kanyeezy – who abdicates for Weezy – who shoulda really won. But then it is fan driven. Eh – whatever – I agree with K, tho.
Ashley Tisdale’s presenting Breakthrough Artist of the Year – freaking Jonas Brothers. These lil children.
The Dream introduces Bey – singing the song he wrote: Single Ladies. I’d love to see Justin come out and dance here. The audience shots in this performance are hilarious. That’s the kind of high-energy performance is supposed to come to an awards show. Bey’s a great performer.
Best Soul/R&B Album: Alicia Keys. Interesting…she’s got the song Superwoman out, and Christina has a song called Supergirl. Maybe that’s only interesting to me. oh well.
AAaaack! JoBros attack. And it seems the song won’t end! Thankfully the Pussycat Dolls are on next. [Has anyone ever said that?] It’s a little bit funny to me how Nicole S. does all the singing.
Justin! He’s there! And he didn’t pop out for Bey’s performance – what a waste. I’m sad he’s not performing. He’s giving the Award of Merit to Annie Lennox. [BTW – how do you be an activist in silent ways for stuff people haven’t heard of?] Anyway, she’s still a lil bit awesome. And she’s performing. Nice personalized award, too.
Natasha Bedingfield has a really nice voice – and her songs are so fun. Yay, Natasha! The dress is kind of disastrous, but who really cares? How do you not like her?
Rihanna has more #1s in the ’00s than any other female? Wow. But what’s the eyepatch for? Temporary, decorative eyepatches are kinda weird. The special effects for this performance are really big – but the actual music was once again lo-key.
Motley Crue presents with …Tommy Lee in a very, very shiny suit. But he looked totally sober.
Best Pop/Rock Group: Daughtry.
Kanye performs with a vocoder cuz he can – and he wants to be Elvis. Heartless.
Wow, Sarah Mclachlan, too? Haven’t even thought of her in years. Duet with Pink? What? There‘s a twist that turned into quite possibly the best performance of the night. I wonder what all is on her greatest hits album.
Steven Tyler and Joe Perry – the dinosaurs of rock. I wonder if they’re aware of how the teleprompters work.
Artist of the Year: Chris Brown
Alicia Keys perfoms Superwoman, and I guess that bookends the show, as Christina opened with Supergirl. Queen La’s still rapping – praise God! YES. Sarah McLachlan just lost. Kathleen Battle? I’ve got to hand it to Alicia. She has the best musical performances this year – bar NONE! Awesome. Awesome.
Ok, so these were good awards. Mostly performances, which is always best. Let’s keep ’em that way folks.